To work or not to work

As Reuben is getting older and my maternity leave is coming to an end i have battled greatly in my mind about what to do for the best! A huge part of me wants to stay home and raise him how i was raised... by my mother!

I don't want him to have all his first with someone else. I don't want his opinions and ethics and values to be shaped and moulded in a way i may not wholeheartedly agree with. He is my son. I carried him, birthed him, nurtured and cared for him with every ounce of my being. I cant bear the though of spending my days apart from him to earn pennies once childcare is paid for.

BUT...i do want him to experience different environments, situations and moments. I want him to grow and develop socially, mentally and physically. I want him to have some independence and learn the value of life. I want to set good examples for him and show him that nothing in life is free.

It's so hard finding the right balance for you and your family and i think iv'e finally come to a decision that will be best for us both. One that wont disrupt Reuben to much. (He's a sensitive soul). Yet allows me to work a little and keep my mind fresh and ticking over when it comes to non baby related things!

I'm going back to work 4 mornings a week. I don't feel to guilty about leaving Reuben for 5 hours at a time and this way he can get into a routine easier than a random day here and there. I don't have to worry about him not taking any milk as i'll have fed him in the morning (he's a huge bottle refuser). if he cant settle for a good long nap in the nursery environment it doesn't matter as he will catch up at home. He will get to socialise learn and grow yet i will still be the person he spends most time with.

Whilst Reuben is still so small i want to enjoy him and our time together. I want to be the best mother and role model i can be. I know my son better than anyone and i believe this will be the best balance for us. And hey, if it doesn't work...he will always come first!